Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

The sadness was still there.

It’s still here.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why does NASA's Perseverance rover keep taking pictures of this maze on Mars? - Space

You are like me, then.

I was tired of trying and failing.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Can you write a letter to your first love without mentioning his/her name?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

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Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

NASA Mars Orbiter Captures Volcano Peeking Above Morning Cloud Tops - NASA (.gov)

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

And the sadness?

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It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of fighting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

With 'I Love Lucy' and beyond, Desi Arnaz helped shaped TV as we know it - NPR

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Why don’t Jews regard Jesus as an important teacher or rabbi, if not the Messiah? Putting aside messianic claims, wouldn’t Jesus be one of the most significant Jewish teachers in human history?

I had run out of hope.

Be who you already are.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

‘We tried and it didn’t work out’: CDPR co-founder says it shouldn’t stray from AAA open-world RPGs - Video Games Chronicle

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.